A recent study of the causes of human anger has found that the single biggest contributor is if they have just conceded a goal on an online game of Fifa.
Researchers at the CIA (the Centre for Identifying Anger) concluded that factors such as rudeness, tiredness, hunger, banging ones head on an open cupboard door, the toilet seat being left up/down, getting sauce on clean clothes, terrible drivers and cocaine are far less important than recently being beaten by a 90th minute goal on Fifa.
Professor Fergie Time stated “People who concede a goal on Fifa are angry regardless of social standing, it puts them in a fit of rage whether they are extremely rich and happy, or had to sell their sisters shoes to buy the game.”
"It really fucking riles them up!”
28 year old Fifa enthusiast Roger Toms (a pseudonym) claims “I want to murder the cunt that scores, I want to gauge out their eyes and urinate in the now empty sockets. After all, they deserve it.”
When asked after smashing his 3rd controller of the interview whether he thought Fifa had anything to do with his anger, he responded by punching the interviewer in the throat.
Professor Time said “The anger is most intense in the few seconds after conceding, and it depletes quickly. So, if you want a more sustained source of anger, it’s best to let in a few goals in quick succession, that way you’ll be unbelievably splenetic.”
31 year old Peter Jones explained “I recently found out my wife of 7 years had been sleeping with my layabout brother – I wanted to kill them both, I was livid. However, to be honest, it’s not up there with losing a cup final when the ref gives a bullshit penalty in added time. I’ve never wanted to set a 12 year old and his entire family on fire more, than at these times.”
“I go off in a right huff.”
Jimmy W, 29-April-2015, Screen
George R R Martin recently revealed that he was inspired to write A Game of Thrones, the
first novel of his series, after having a difficult few months with public toilets in Europe.
"We have all been there." Exclaimed Mr R R R Martin,
at a book reading in Chicago. "You really need
the toilet but you know by going to public conveniences you run a lot of
risks. One major risk of public toilets
is simply the lack of them, and another is the worry that
when you do find one, it will be one of those impractical hole in the
ground ones that they have
To compound that, far too many times
in my life, have I visited
the little boys room, only to discover that there is no toilet paper.
This is really the focus of my first novel, A Game of Thrones."
"The king was made so grumpy by his toilet that he started wars for no reason."
Mr R R R R Martin explains that originally A Game of Thrones started
out as a short story
about a king with a very
uncomfortable toilet. "He [the king] was
made so grumpy by it [his toilet]
that he started wars for no reason.
It was very funny, if I do say so myself."
"Of course, as time went on, it got longer and more
convoluted, but I always tried to remain true to my original story.""
Critics have pointed out that the meaning is clearly
obvious, and is even more so in the television series, stating
that the Iron Throne is "dead giveaway" and the title of the televised series, Game of Thrones,
is undeniably a pun. However, with so
many viewers oblivious to this, the writers were forced to
scrap some of the subtlety.
"When you make something as popular as I have, at some point
you are bound to have your work misinterpreted. It just goes hand in
hand with a large following. [...] This is why I wrote the scene where
Tyrion catches his father using the lavatory. This scene is probably the
best I have
written, and whilst very comical, it serves as a nod to those who understand
what Game of Thrones is about and as a bit of a nudge to those who
have not quite got it yet."
"The Lord of
Light is meant to be interpreted
as an automatic toilet fixture that turns off after five minutes."
This revelation, however, has provoked anger from some fans, especially
those who have invested the most time in the series. James, from
York, comments "I have spent months reading and rereading the books whilst
watching each series and noting the divergent plot lines. I record all of this
in my blog. Now I hear it's just some bloody toilet related
pun. All of my research into Jon Snow's ancestry is completely wasted.
I mean, who will take me seriously when the Lord of
Light is meant to be interpreted
as an automatic toilet fixture that turns off after five minutes, leaving you
sat pooing in the dark. If my wife didn't think I was stupid when I
originally created my blog, she certainly will now! I suppose it's a good job she left me."
Bill K, 19-April-2015, Screen